I'll See You In The Summerland

A poem I wrote for my brother, Zahn's 21st Birthday. 20.5.11

I'll meet you in the Summerland
I hope you're waiting for me
Under skies of velvet blue
And soft green endless seas.
I never got to see you
I never got to know
Why you left us so damn early
Or if you miss me so.
I see you in the trees, the sky
On the island where we never played
We would've been the best brother and sister
But of course you never stayed.
I dream of you, I see you
Running over fields of gold
Laughing, smiling, always happy
Youthful, never old.
I see you standing on a cliff
staring out to the setting sun
Impish smile upon your cheeks
Your life cant yet be done.
You're with me on the beach back home
Lying with me under the starry sky
Joking, annoying the hell outta me
At least we would be if you didnt die.
Every time I hear your name
I think of what can never be
Those sibling banters in the hall
Or if you're proud of me.
These blotchy teardrops on the page
Just will not go away
I have nothing of you, nothing
To help me light my way.
Why did you never tease me
Or muffle up my hair
I bet you would've drove me crazy
Oh, this just is not fair!
Sometimes I wish I never knew
That I was meant to have a brother
Maybe I would've been spared the pain
I feel like I'm being smothered.
I have nothing of you
No memories to cry about
But still I manage to miss you
Which leaves me in doubt.
Do you think of your little sister
And the family you left behind
Or do you relish in your own freedom
And the dreams you've yet to find?
Although I'll see you in Summerland
I wish our bond anew
I want you to tell me that you love me
And how much you miss me too.
I want you there to tell me
That i'm crying for a reason
That you are watching me from above
And with me every season.
I wonder what you'd look like
Would you look like me?
I'm betting you'd be handsome
I'm sure that you would be.
While you run through Summer grass
I lie awake at night
Wishing I was there with you
And in your line of sight.
You're gone for good, I know that
But part of me still dreams
That one day I'll finally meet you
An eternity, it seems.
Can you see me, brother?
And the guilt that I feel
I mean, why did I make it and you not?
Surely that wasnt part of te deal!
If you were here you'd tell me
To be grateful I'm alive
To suck it up and make the most of it
This life you were deprived.
So I will live and try, brother
I'll make my dreams come true
Cos I'm not just living for myself, Zahn
I am also living for you.